Last night, I said “bye” to the IRC channel that housed me for a year and a half now. I don’t know how many are aware at this point that I’m not coming back. It’s not that I don’t love you guys, quite the contrary; rather I’m scared how attached I’ve become. There’s probably not much you know about my real life, channel dwellers. The fact is I’m not really social, at all. I’m shy, self conscious, basically a regular teenager. A channel full of people of the same nature that are willing to put up with me means a lot. I could show off my doodles, and be praised. (Because you think I’m cute? Not all of them were good.) I could pop in, whine, and talk about my day and hear others do the same. Or I could sit back and watch the adults discuss something, eventually turning into an argument. Occasionally we would even discuss Megatokyo! Our deeply internet driven lives un-covered. It scares me how far gone I am. I’m more social with a bunch of usernames than real people. High school is tough, but I’m not even trying. Thinking back now, I probably know more about the relationships in your lives than most of my friends at this point. Which is horrible, I’m treating real friends as I should you internet people, a non-caring attitude. I cared about your drama, your angst, and your good times too. But I haven’t taken the time for real friends here. In fact, this revelation is much too late to get back with the people who matter, I’m holding on to the people who will still have me.

To tell the truth, a part of me does miss you, the other hates you and is glad you’re gone. You’re bad for me, and I’m cutting you off. Spoon is gone, #mt-talk.

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 9th, 2008 at 10:00 pm and is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.