Spoon Loves Robots

The Toronto Transit Commission has done nothing to me personally, but their stupid decisions weigh down on me daily. Introducing, the brand new Toronto Hybrid-electric public bus. When I first saw it I thought it was quite stunning. And it is! The old buses needed some cleaning, and needed some redesigning. Of course there are many versions floating around of the new and old buses. (Some weird half-breeds, which are actually my favourite, but that is a different story.)

Already this “rant” is sounding too nice. Let me get real here, I hate these buses. If you look at my helpful diagram, you can see that those are stairs in the back of the bus. There are odly placed seats on these stairs. These seats have NO leg room. Especially the second last row. They must have used the smallest people in all of Toronto to build these. Do you know who takes the bus? Students. We take it a lot. We all have backpacks. Big, stupid, homework filled backpacks. So you sit on the bus with your bag, right? Do you put it on your lap, squishing yourself because of these stupid seats? Or maybe just sit with it on, that will work…No, no it won’t. Your knees will be pushed into hard molded plastic, or if you’re lucky the metal air conditioning vent. So the only way to sit properly is to lounge sideways, it’s very comfortable.

Until the ever lovely TTC promises you more buses! More drivers! More routes! And then they steal your bus. They stole my bus. It’s not a very long route to my house, we have 2 buses that come every 15 minutes. Sitting 15 minutes in the freezing cold bus depot can be annoying, but since it comes so often, you are guaranteed a double seat to lounge on. When they steal one of your buses, you have to wait half an hour in the cold, have your knees squished into the molded plastic, while the creepiest guy on the entire bus decides to sit beside you. All while the bus driver yells “MOVE BACK!”

Dear Bus Driver,

Standing on steps while a bus moves is very dangerous. There is a time and place for crowd surfing. A bus isn’t it. Though that would be really cool, it will probably never happen, in reality you will have a pile of angry bus riders in the back of your bus.

Suck it,

Bus Rider.

As a closing note, I would like to say something about etiquette.

If there is a huge line of people waiting half an hour for the bus, and you think you can walk to the front of the line as the bus is boarding and walk right on ahead of the rest of us, you are a douchebag.

If the subway is crowded, and you leave your bag on the seat while we stand, you are a douchebag. (Unless you’re that little old lady with a lot of groceries, you’re forgiven and I’m sorry.)

If that little old lady with groceries wants to sit, she gets to sit. It’s the rules, douchebag.

When the train stops, and the doors open, the people on the outside will part, letting the people inside out. If you and your 3 friends barge right in, you’re all douchebags.

So TTC, I hate you. (sometimes) (Especially those new metal benches. Canada is a cold place, metal benches mean a cold ass.)