Spoon Loves Robots

When I first got my cellphone I looked through all the features and I saw it had a “planner” in it. A scheduler of sorts to put in everything I’m doing and make sure I stay on track. I laughed at it, put in my birthday, (as if I need a reminder of that…) and never touched it again. I was a “go to school, come home kind” of kid for a long time. In the past year and a half that’s changed dramatically. I didn’t go home right after school, and if I did I felt odd and empty. Suddenly my weekdays filled up with more school events to work on than I could count. Weekends filled up with social time. A part of me liked being busy, it was a busy I liked and I could control. The last two months of school where more stress than I could take though. Constantly working and slacking, and working, and stressing. Surviving the school show was one thing, passing all my classes was another. And then it finished, and I had one exam, and 2 weeks of break before co-op. Those 2 weeks were  great. I slept, I played video games, I talked to people, I hung out. I had not knowledge of date, or time. The weekend and the week were not a seperate entity to me. No planner in my phone is needed.

Then there’s co-op. Summer co-op is a chance for me, a student, to work at a place I could not normally work at with my lack of proper age, and lack of any expierience or post-secondary accomplishments. It’s a chance to learn something about the buisness you may want to go into in the future. It’s a chance to show you’re not a complete twit and not a complete slacker. This was my goal, and I think my goal failed. My placement was decided from my resume, my resume is full of sound work I’ve done at my school theatre over the past year. I’m sick of sound, really. I wanted to go into theatre. But currently I sit at the desk of a small sound art studio. Currently I am supposed to be transcribing, a task that is only interesting 4 hours in, and then NEVER interesting again. (I’m on my third radio show, probably a bit over an hour, and the track is only going through the left channel. If that doesn’t spell HEADACHE, I don’t know what does.) The best things I’ve done on the job are the soldering workshops. One of them I did before co-op started, another I did last week. I’m a hands on person! I like learning about little gadgets, and getting to make them. (Though I do not like the burn on my hand from hot solder.) Otherwise I’ve been cleaning and hefting heavy items. The irony of the entire thing is that my job title is “junior theatre technician” No, that is not an apt title for this job. 

I work a 9 to 5 schedule, which means getting up at 7 to take a bus, a train, a streetcar, and a bus. The routine is so engrained into my head I don’t even remember doing it by the time I get to work. I get to take this same way back home, right around 6. At which point I collapse in front of the TV because I can’t look at a computer screen again. And for anything else I have my phone. Oh faithful phone, I had to start using your planner feature. So now the month of July is filled with red squares telling me I have something to do on each and every day. 

My weekends were full at the start of the month. So first weekend is a big meeting for the convention my group of friends is planning for next year. (ConBravo!) On Sunday my parents took me to something amazing, Tree Top Trekking. It’s an incredible workout on your entire body. And the next day at work was “lift heavy shit day, grunt.” Amazing. Next weekend my father really wants to go rock climbing, and so do I. So it’s another early morning to downtown Toronto to learn about belaying and climbing, followed by archery which my mom set up for us at another place. (My parents are great, really.) Sunday we have another meeting for the skit we’re planning to do at a convention in two weeks. (Otakuthon!) These meetings are shouting matches, that I’ve caught myself participating in, unfortunately. They drain me like nothing else, but they get the work done. At least I can mostly sit back and just take notes. 

Where does this leave any time for myself? I couldn’t fall asleep last night because that was really the only time I had to think about life. The stress started pouring back in because I don’t have any breaks to let it settle. Now in less than 2 weeks I have to make a costume for Otakuthon, practice the skit, finish co-op (Including all the assignments we have to do.). On top of those things there’s stuff I want to do for myself. I want to spend time with my friends, I want to go to a Toronto urban explorer meeting. (Only happens once a month!), I want to make comics, I want to play GuitarHero2, I want to watch some damn anime! But I’m tired, and busy. Those little red squares are pouring into August, and then I just go back to school. Ouch. 

I have to start looking at college options, and the scary thought of university options, and the even scarier task of assembling a portfolio. I have to study for my G1, because I’ve been neglecting it all year and want to at least get it before I turn 17. I want to make comics! I want to make promotions for this site. I want to clean my desk, I want to make a painting. I want to stay up past 11, but it’s getting harder and harder. I want to sleep! 

Where is summer? Summer was supposed to be a break from stressing out, but it’s coming back in buckets. I really just want to throw out my phone, and not go to co-op anymore, and get away from all the people and things and tasks that are freaking me out. Little red squares that have boxed me in… Go away.