I’ve been busy, I’ve been really busy, but let’s update.

School:

I dropped a course, because of a bad class and I need to make up the credit so I can apply to university. So I’m taking night school twice a week. It’s a bullshit course, and I feel bad we’re paying so much for it, but it’s the way it has to be. Hopefully I will be able to finish it as quickly as possible. Regular school is tough as it is with course work from different classes completely colliding in on itself.

Theatre:

I’ve been trying to keep lighting crew together, it’s hard to manage these people without having any time. They’re finally getting the training they’re supposed to get, and we’re almost at the point where they can do stuff on their own. I think. On the other hand I’ve still been doing shows, and I’m finally about to be on the lighting board for a major event, fashion show. I was there today, running through the lights with them, doing that for the next two days as well. God help me… It’s not that I hate fashion show, I really do love the event, but the crappy loud music this year combined with indecisive people and a thrown together crew, on top of other stresses. Sigh, I just want this one to be over.

Social life:

What of it? I don’t see people anymore, I don’t really hang out anymore. When I’m at school I just want to get through the day as quickly as possible and go home. Really, I either have stuff to work on, or I just want to go home and tune out completely. We’re going to an anime convention in Feburary, G-Anime in Gatineau, Quebec. We’re performing a skit, and I’m in it, and we’re making my costume, and it’s frustrating and stress full. I guess I look forward to the con a bit, but I’m thinking of just finding things to do in Ottawa/Gatineau itself and doing that instead. Something about cons that isn’t grasping my full attention anymore. Though I guess it’s nice to be ON the stage for once, I’ve realised I’ve been slowly picking up stuff about acting through my backstage work. Who knew?

University/College/Next year:

Yeah, I’ve applied, and that’s the first step of what seems to be a billion. Stop sending me emails, seriously. I’ve applied to Ryerson but I hate their website full of nonstop links to other pages, to pdfs., to files within files, with links back to their website. It’s crazy, it’s frustrating, but I guess that’s just part of the challenge. I have to get a theatre resume up, I have to make a photography resume because I applied to that as well. Hell, I need to have a portfolio for them of 12 amazing photos by Feb 1st. Help? I want to move out next year, that would be very nice, more stress I guess. I just want to leave I guess, either move out, or go somewhere for the summer for a while. Somewhere far enough away… God, this urge to travel recently has been insane. Get me out of here, get me far away.

I’m ready for school though, I’m ready to go and learn and I want to do all the courses you promise me, and I want to work and do and get into that stage. Come on…

The good things:

I worked on a major film set in November in an abandoned building. Two things I love combined, it was an amazing experience, in both film, and freezing cold weather. This is a building with no heat, and two very late nights of filming. 10am till 4am. Lovely, right? It was, the people were nice, and we were just shooting a few scenes from the opening to a horror film. Film is insane, it’s just insane. It’s a completely different world from theatre and it’s just crazy, and kind of fun. We’ll see if I ever pursue it further. Becoming the only sound person in the span of 12 hours was interesting, and I spent the next day trying to remember what I was taught the day before, learning on the fly, and being crammed into some very interesting spots to get sound. Most of it probably won’t be used, but hey, I felt useful for a bit. That boom mic also gave me some muscle, but man, nothing has tired me out that much. Photos on Flickr…
Exploring, god, I crave it now more than ever. I went into a place last month that I never thought I would get into, and more so I was simply afraid to. In 2008 a man fell from a catwalk and died in the building we were in while exploring it. The place really is a deathtrap, especially at night, when it’s freezing. It was an old power station, the giant generators already cleared out it was simply filled with broken concrete floors, dangerous catwalks, stairwells that suddenly ended. The entire place was one big scary maze. My fellow explorer and I entered a giant air shaft that used to lead to a smokestack. We went in thinking the metal “floor” beneath us would rust and break through, dropping us 30 feet or so to the ground. It didn’t. I still shake a little thinking about that night, it was simply amazing and scary, and I’m completely ready to do it again. The thrill you get is simply unexplainable, maybe that’s why so many of us are photographers as well, it’s an undenying urge to capture the feeling, and it can be so hard to do just that.

What else is really good right now, to me? I don’t know, I’ve mostly been going insane. I want to do things, but I can’t complete. I want to make journal comics, I want to sit down and do hourlies, what happened to the dream of creating comics? It ran away somewhere, and now it just sits in making these long winded blog posts. Because I should be talking about the things I’ve done so far, so way later I can look back and think “what the hell was I thinking?”. Right now I just want to do. I want to go exploring, I want to get out of Toronto for a bit, I want to climb a crane, I want to take more photos, good ones. I want to make actual comics and update this website! I want to stop this cycle of getting more and more crazy, because it’s been really bad lately, I don’t know why it is, but it’s just been terrible. I want it to be over, this “crazy” phase. You know what I mean?

Because he’s racing and pacing and plotting the course,
he’s fighting and biting and riding on his horse,
he’s going the distance.